What I was thinking when I did not go to Gatsby's funeral

Even though I had loved Gatsby so much and he was a great first love, I would not let him tear apart my family, because they are all that I know. Tom thought it wasn't appropriate of me to go, and as we were trying to move and have a fresh start, he said it would be a bad idea to revisit past memories. Though I had feelings for Gatsby and may have been a factor in his death when I hit the woman in his car, I still loved my husband no matter what, for he is all that I know. I agreed with Tom and believed that is better to leave things such as those in the past and worry about ourselves and our relationship.  I loved Gatsby so much, but I was not used to the life he was giving me, and went back to Tom. I did not go because of my love for Tom and I believe his advice is beyond right. I want my past to disappear so I can continue my life with Tom.

Why I moved after Gatsby's death.

With the trauma and other events that occured around us, Tom and I have decided to move away and build a new house that will keep us away from all that has happened recently. Not only that, we decided to go to Europe for awhile to get away from our past as best as we can. I thought it was a great idea to start anew, and will keep my mind off of me hitting that woman, Gatsby being murdered, and Tom's affairs.  Like Tom said many times, it is time to move on in our lives, and let the past stay behind us, even if we were involved in causing most of the chaos. I do not feel guilty about leaving, as I get to be closer with my family, and that is all that matters to me. I may haved loved Gatsby and felt bad about hitting that woman, but I would never leave Tom no matter what and will do anything to keep my family and what I have known for many years the same.  This move will put everything in the past behind us and I can live happily with my family, no matter what Tom and I caused in the past.

What I felt - When Gatsby died

I was so upset to hear that my old love Gatsby was murdered in cold blood. My mind was in turmoil, as my heart and mind was shocked by his sudden death. I cried for so long, and I wished that I could have been with him, but it was not meant to be. When not in the company of Tom, I cried my heart out because the man who loved me was forever gone. I was sad, that it was even worse then when I married Tom instead of Gatsby, and my heart broke into a million pieces.  My sadness overcame me, even when others did not notice. I regretted so much that Gatsby was killed, which probably had to do with me hitting that woman while I was driving. I could have never left Tom, but the death of Gatsby, an innocent man, broke my heart. I was scared, depressed, and overwhelmed by the grief that overcame me. His loved that he showed me brought me alot of joy, and now that he is gone, all that I am left with is sadness. I loved him, and his absence from my life forever brought sadness that will never leave. I missed Gatsby, my first and true love.

Why I went back with Tom

Even though Tom was obviously having an affair with some other
woman, and though Gatsby was my first love and a kind man, I could not leave
Tom, for he is all that I know. The man that was so kind to me, that tried his
best to do everything he could to win me over, and a man who would take the
blame for a crime I committed still could not deter me from Tom, no matter how
cruel he was to me. I am used to my life being a certain way, as I expect
certain things to happen not out of what I know. When Gatsby challenges me to
go out of what I was used to everyday and confined myself too, I become
frightened. I returned to Tom because he is what I know. For me to give up my
whole life that I am used to living to be with Gatsby is just too overwhelming,
no matter how sad I am. I was so used to being sad all the time, that it just
felt more normal to me, and I refused to leave that comfort zone. Truly, no
matter what Gastby tried, I could never leave Tom, no matter the amount of
unhappiness and sadness her brings to me.

What I was Thinking - When I hit Myrtle

After the previous incident at the hotel, I decided to drive to calm my nerves. I was angry and confused, and while driving Myrtle came out of nowhere. I attempted to swerve out of the way on to the other side of the street, but a car was coming that way. To avoid being hit by the car coming the other way, I had to swerve back, hitting Myrtle in the process. I did not know who this woman was, or why sheran out into the street, but I would rather not want to find out anyway. I did not feel like stopping to see if she was alive. It was my fault, but someone else could clean it up for me. Even Gatsby,who was in the car with me, offered to take the blame of hitting Myrtle, which would help me alot. I decided to keep on driving no matter the consequences, because I could easily cover up my mistake. It was alot easier to do than I thought, as the memory of the dead woman quickly faded from my precious mind. There wasn't much that could have been done, as the woman had obviously died on impact, which was her own fault anyways. If I would have stopped, It would have just hurt more people in the end. It was so much easier this way, I would stay out of trouble, and I needed a cover, I could always use Gatsby.

What I was feeling - Reunion with Gatsby

When I was invited for tea by Nick Carraway, I was rather excited, but was not suspicious at all at the invite. When I arrived, I was happy and excited to see Nick and enjoy some time with him. I entered the house, and was surprised to see another man inside the house with Nick. I was a little nervous, not knowing who this man was, and even more so when the mysterious man knoked Nick's clock over. But after finding out that he was my long lost love, Gatsby, I nearly fainted with happiness and surprise, so much so I cried. I was filled with so much joy and excitement that even the simplest things made me happy, even Gatsby's amazing collection of English shirts. I was so overjoyed, I cried and cried with tears od happiness to see the man I once loved dearly. We talked for hours, I was so happy and elated, as this was one of the best things to happen to be in many years. I was overjoyed, giddy, and overall bursting into tears, and I was an emotional mess, but I enjoyed every bit of it.